A few weeks ago, "moving to Philadelphia" was just another fact about my career trajectory: it was unquestionably the best decision to make; a necessary sacrifice to get to my "dream job;" the next in the series of adventures that make up one's life. Meghan would move out there with me, and I (we) would get to see family and friends often enough to suffice; neither seemed a big problem at the time. I was significantly more at ease with the decision than she was, probably because I had the added excitement of going to start a new job (hopefully one that I like), while all she had to look forward to was me leaving.
However, it did not truly become real until three things occurred:
First: I had to say goodbye to everyone. It started on Sunday, when one of my friends from high school (in fact, the only one that I really stay in contact with that I didn't go to college with) came by on the beginning of his spring break to say hi/goodbye. That didn't really hit me too hard, because he's been away at school on the West Coast for the majority of the past 5 years.
Then was Wednesday, my "official" farewell party. It literally took until I was putting on my shoes to go to the bar to realize that that was the night I would actually have to start saying goodbye to everyone. It wasn't terribly difficult; a lot of the people there were somewhat casual friends, and I had plans to see my closer friends later in the week.
Friday was the night where I went out with my closest friends, for a night of food, drinking, and revelry. It was a little bit harder; since everyone was leaving for the Easter Holiday, that was last time I would get to see them. As most of my current and former roommates were present at one time or another, it was a really nice way to look back at college and what a fantastic experience it has been.
Easter Sunday, however, was the hardest, when saying goodbye to my (extended) family. When they were leaving our Easter gathering, they asked, "when will we see you again?" I already know the answer (for this year, at least) is Christmas. It's hard for me to stomach that, while living out there, I will likely only see my extended family once or twice a year; I'm used to seeing them at least every two months or so; for all the major holidays, birthday and graduation celebrations, and some other miscellaneous gatherings. However, being a 22-hour drive away greatly reduces my ability to attend such things.
Second: This will be the first time that I am living more than 20 minutes from my parents' house. I first realized this in the final stages of packing for the move, when I was making sure that I had everything, similar to when going on vacation. The realization that something I forgot is no longer a "quick run home" really drove the point home: I am moving away, for a significant amount of time.
Third: I just got back from saying goodbye to Meghan, I'm leaving for Philadelphia in the morning. I promised not to cry on the way home, if she didn't cry going to sleep. It felt really awkward and disjointed to not be able to say "see you tomorrow" with a smile. For the next 6 months or so, seeing each other the 3-4 times a week that we grew accustomed to is no longer the norm. Sure, there will be phone calls and web-cam chats and other communication, but nothing can ever replace the feeling of a very special girl falling asleep in your arms. Ever.
Now that the full magnitude of "moving to Philadelphia" has hit me, things no longer seem so clear. To the contrary, everything now seems so uncertain. Although the proverbial "plan" has always been to work in Minnesota, I don't know if that will change, and my present self wouldn't be happy if it did. I don't know what it will be like to have all of my friends and family 1300 miles away. I don't know how I will handle everyday life being away from my girlfriend.
"Life's an adventure," I keep telling myself. We'll see where it leads.